This Does Not Define You
by callmeakumatized
Summary: Ladybug feels broken, incomplete, just being in her own skin. But Chat knows her - all of her - and can see her for who she truly is...herself. (( Thomas Astruc was asked a question on Twitter and gave a surprising reply (I quote it in here). That was this work's prompt. It's a piece for Disability Awareness, Suicide Prevention, and being there for each other in love. *hearts* ))


"There's nothing more to _do_!" Ladybug almost yelled out. Her speech, though technically directed to Chat Noir, was let loose into the open Parisian air. Ladybug ran her hands through her hair, stalking around the rooftop, breathing becoming more labored by the moment. Chat hung back for a moment. Not because he didn't care, but because he _did_. He cared so much, he knew to hang onto every word, listening for true source of her distress so he could know how to perfectly help his Lady.

"I mean, Chat…they just expect so _much_ of us…" Ladybug drew out, looking up to him momentarily. "The Mayor, the press, Paris…the _world_. What more do they want? We sacrifice everything for them – everything! How many years has it been? _Years,_ Chat! Six? Seven?"

"Seven," Chat confirmed, recognizing her need for a direct answer here.

" _Seven. Years._ And we wasted _how_ many dancing around each other?"

"Five."

Ladybug fisted her hands together before immediately relinquishing them. "Hawk Moth is _gone_. Vixen and Bee are here now, helping out. These people…they just…they just expect so much more than I feel like I can _give_ them, Chat."

Point one.

With tears in her eyes, Ladybug looked up to Chat, her short hair ruffled slightly by the wind.

"Chat…what else do they expect us to put on hold?"

Point two.

"How are we…how are we supposed to _live_? I want…I want a life with you, Chat…Adrien. I want to just _be with you_."

Point three.

Marinette was worried about their plans for the future…and she was worried about failing in the eyes of her beloved Paris, and her beloved partner. Those were the three main points, though it didn't seem like that was really… _it._ As she paused in her soliloquy, every fear and emotion that had been trapped inside breaking through in tearful release, Chat moved forward to envelop her in his arms. She started to sob lightly into his chest. He placed a kiss into her hair, thinking how best to word his reply while committing every passionate word she uttered to memory.

"Marinette, there is nothing you could ever do that would be a disappointment to this city." He took a breath, deciding how best to word his next thought. "And if the pressure is too much… _quit_. Hawk Moth _is_ gone, our job is done. You stood for this city for years…you're _allowed to live a life_." Lightly pushing her back so he could look into the eyes he loved so much, Chat continued in a more hushed tone. "And I would give up every one of my nine lives just to have the privilege to spend _one_ with _you_."

"I don't deserve this."

"What?"

Ladybug sighed. "I'm not…I'm not _whole,_ Chat. You know that. That's why we're here. That's why I'm ranting to nothing and for no reason and rambling and can't make up my mind about anything. And you…you're _whole_. You're complete."

"Don't, don't do that Marinette. The only way I would ever be whole is by being with you. I told you that when we stood across from each other at the altar, and you know I would never lie to you, Bugaboo."

Despite herself, a small, _small_ smile flickered to Ladybug's lips. As fast as it appeared, though, it vanished. A tear-filled grimace replaced it immediately.

"Asperger's, Chat. I have Asperger's. What if…what i-if our…our _kids_ –"

"Don't you mean our _kittens_?"

"Ha! _No._ " Ladybug sighed, shaking her head before pulling away from Chat and turning away. "What if our kids have Asperger's too? O-Or something else, because of _me_ , because of my –" Ladybug faltered here, wringing her hands together.

Ladybug was strong, but Marinette was stronger. Adrien had seen all sides of her for the past seven years, and loved each and every piece of her completely. She was always prone to freak-outs, or getting stuck on a subject, or maybe, perhaps, being a little too aggressive at times, whether against an Akuma or something less threatening. When a doctor had put a name to the "disability", Marinette had been glad at first, thinking things would change. What happened, however, was a shy girl filled with anxiety second-guessing herself even more, closing herself off from the world. That was when she had finally reached out to Chat. Or, rather, Chat Noir cornered her one day when he caught Ladybug sobbing in the shadows at the top of Notre Dame.

She had confessed everything. _Everything_. And she expected him to treat her differently. When he made no indication of doing so… _that's_ when the real path to "healing" began.

Healing meaning Marinette being as accepting of herself as she was to everyone else.

And now they were here, at the true source of his precious lady's distress. And he would be there for her as he always was, as she always had and would be for him.

"Because of what, Marinette?" Chat asked gently, bringing their wondering minds back into the conversation again. "Because of something you see as a disability? So our kids might have Asperger's Syndrome. Would you love them less?"

"No, of course not. I just…I just don't want them to have to live this way."

"So you have Asperger's, Marinette. And I was raised by Hawk Moth."

"Completely unrelated."

"No, they're not." Chat took a step closer to Ladybug, taking one of her hands in his. "They are both things we were born into. Things that were and are and always will be things we can't change, things beyond our control. And both are things that we could easily let change or define us but we _don't_. You are and always have been _more_ than you realize."

"More what?" Ladybug turned her small frame to face her husband's more fully, pulling the loose hair around her face out of her eyes, the hand holding her hair resting on the side of her face.

"Just _more_. You have more strength, more resilience, more courage –"

At this Ladybug shook her head. "I'm _always_ scared, Adrien."

"So am I." Chat put a hand on her chin and lifted her face to his. She needed to hear his next words. He _needed_ her to hear them. "Being _scared_ doesn't make you a coward, Marinette. Running away does. But courage can only come from _being_ scared in the first place and pushing forward anyway. Courage is the embodiment of –"

"Of Ladybug," Ladybug scoffed, pulling her head away. Chat grabbed her back, a hand on both sides of her face.

"Of _Marinette_ ," he iterated pointedly. "Ladybug, in turn, is the embodiment of Marinette. You were born as _you_ , as the beautiful, perfect _you._ You chose everything after that, including the choice to _be_ Ladybug."

Chat leaned forward and kissed Ladybug's forehead before leaning his own forehead against hers. "I love you, Marinette. _You_. And if our kid- _tens_ are even one _tenth_ of anything and everything that makes up _you_ , they will be the luckiest kids in the whole world." He chuckled slightly, moving closer to her and wrapping his arms around her in a snug embrace. "Which makes sense, considering who their mother is."

Marinette hummed in contemplation. After a minute to digest his words, she muttered quietly into his shoulder, "Do you really mean that?"

Chat didn't even hesitate for a second. "Of course I do."

Chat suppressed his own sigh of relief when he felt the form of his darling, precious wife relax in his arms.

After another minute, Chat couldn't help the contented purr as his beloved returned his embrace, wrapping her strong, lithe arms around his own. She was so strong in so many ways. The tears were there before he could stop them, and Chat nuzzled his head into the crook of her shoulder and neck as he sniffled with thick emotion.

"Kid- _tens_?" Ladybug questioned after another moment. Both frames of husband and wife shook slightly before giving way to real peals of laughter.

The sun was setting over Paris, over _their_ city, as the two heroes leaned on each other in more ways than one.

Currently it was to hold themselves up through fits of tear-streaked laughter.

"Hahahaha Chat, I'm pregnant!"

Chat froze mid-laugh to check his Lady's face.

"You're…?"

"Yes."

"But…I…kitten…?"

" _Baby_ , yes."

"Ooohh, _baby_!"

Chat grinned, giggled giddily, and promptly passed out.

Not for the first time, Ladybug rushed over to the fallen form of Chat Noir. This time, though, he hadn't just taken a hit for her, he had shown her more the full extent of the barrier of protection he had slowly built for her over the years, brick by brick. It was all-encompassing, protecting her wholly from the outside, and – more expressly special to her – from _herself_ , from getting in her own way.

There would never be enough ways to express her love for this cat-man.

…Except maybe to have his kid- _tens._

They weren't perfect by any means, but they were perfect together, "disabilities" or no.

* * *

(( PSA: Thomas Astruc was asked through a tweet if he would consider putting in a character in the show who had Asperger's, to which he replied: "If you watch carefully the show, you may already find one."

And then I saw someone talking about October 10th being Disability Awareness Day.

And while I haven't found anything else mentioning this day, I couldn't let this opportunity to pass up…and here's why: You need to know that your "disability" does NOT define WHO you are or WHAT you can do.

I live with depression and "debilitating" anxiety. Some days are better than others, and, in fact, I have felt more myself in these last few months than I have in the last 5+ years. But there were dark days. I'm a suicide survivor. Twice, at two very different parts of my life. The second time I had to literally be "babysat" constantly for about a month and half. It was horrible. But I wouldn't trade that for anything, because it helped me grow into the person I am now. Now I'm on medication. And at first, I was embarrassed. People talk about disabilities as physical, mental, learning, etc., and part of those include things like Autism, Asperger's, Anxiety, and Depression. And I heard people talk about depression as a mental _illness_ , a mental _disease_ , and I felt dirty. People ask, "Why are you so sad? You have nothing to be sad about!" And I'm like, "Why _am_ I so sad? What is wrong with me?"

But here's the thing that my _awesome_ doctor helped me with. He calls this my diabetes. Sounds weird, right? But listen. If I had diabetes, it would be just something I _have_ , an imbalance in my system that needs medication to keep me going, to keep me alive. This depression is the same way. It's not my _fault_. I didn't _do_ anything to make this happen. It's just a part of me, something that can't be helped.

So, to finish this PSA, I have some words of advice: It's OK. It's OK to have a "disability". It's OK to _not_. It's OK to be yourself, even if you don't really know what that is right now. You don't have to have the answers, the "whys" to everything to be able to live a _good_ life. And you are _worth_ living a good life. For your loved ones, sure, but most importantly, really, for _you_.

Go talk to a doctor, please don't try to self-diagnose. Those docs are there to help. Really!

One more note: If you are feeling depressed, anxious, or just… _off_ …talk to someone. A friend, a family member, your doctor, anyone.

If you don't have anyone to talk to, you can always talk to me. My e-mail is callmeakumatized AT gmail DOT com. (I know, original, right?)

And if you suspect someone might be having troubles, or suicidal thoughts, be that person to ask them how they're doing.

I love you all. Thanks for reading this, and please spread the word, share a hug, and spread the love. *hearts*

-Maki ))


End file.
